6 février 2010

I like feminine men and I'm not sure about my sexual and gender identity.

Since I was about ten, I’ve wished I was born male. In the last couple of years that desire has got very strong. In any sexual fantasies and when I masturbate I always pretend I’m a guy. I feel strongly attracted to extremely feminine men, cross-dressers and guys who wear makeup etc. Sometimes I pretend I’m a guy on chatrooms and flirt a little with girls. Because of all this I considered that I might be a lesbian, but I don’t feel anywhere near the attraction towards girls as I do towards males. I never look at a girl and think they are hot or sexy. Straight and lesbian porn doesn’t really do anything for me; only some of the gay and «shemale» stuff. I love men who look and act like women. All these signs seem to be really contradicting and I’m so confused about both my sexuality (though I think I am probably straight) and especially my gender identity. It’s a big part of what’s been making me very depressed these last few months.

Philip Borden

Hi Caitrin,

Thanks for coming to us with your question. First of all I'd like to just say I'm very sorry that it's taken so long to respond to your question. It's normally not like this.

I see that you are experiencing a lot of confusion regarding you're sexual preferences and your gender identity. I will try to offer you some insight on these matters.

You mention how you are mostly only attracted to “men who look and act like women”. I know this may seem quite contradictory but sexual preferences aren't always so black and white. Some people are attracted to particular things, like gender, where others are attracted to a wide range of features in their partners irrespective of gender. Still, there are those who are almost exclusively attracted to people with unique characteristics that are sometimes somewhat unusual.

It's also important to emphasize here that sexual preferences evolve over time and you are in the very early stages of this development, even if it doesn't seem this way right now. Just try to keep an open mind and be intimate with those who you feel comfortable with. There's no need to over-think these matters too much or label your preferences.

As far as your gender identity is concerned, this doesn't actually have to have any impact on your sexual preferences. Ultimately, only you can decide if you are comfortable living as a woman or if living as a man would be necessary to your sense of well being.

You mentioned how these matters have a lot to do with you being depressed over the past few months. Being 16 is typically rough on everyone but depression can be a sign of a more serious illness which can often make certain issues in life seem much worse than they actually are. It might not be such a bad idea to consider speaking to a therapist or counselor.

I hope everything works out for you and I wish you all the best. Please feel free to write us back with any other questions or to follow up.


Philip for AlterHéros