I don't want to ruin our friendship !

Hi there
I am a 23 yr old female, who is absolutely in love with my female best friend!! We have been friends for many years and are very incrediably close!! We have even shared some pretty intense physical and emotional feelings, It just seems to be at times when we have had a couple drinks…. I think that she may feel the same about me! But I cannot stop thinking about it, It is actually driving me insane. I have neveer had theese feelings about any other female before It is just her. She absoulutley makes my heart skip a beat. I do not know how to discuss this with her. There has been times where she has tried to make a move on me but I back away beacuse I am so scared, but I know it would be amazing!! I dont’t wanna ruin our friendship but I cannot handle these feelings anymore, I have not told anyone so I hope this could be a good start
Thanks

marilyn c.

Dear Stephanie,

Thank you for writing to AlterHeros. So, you are in love with your

female

best friend and don’t know how and if you should tell her.

From what you are saying, you seem to be having deep feelings for her,

both

physically and emotionaly. I understand that her friendship is

something

very important for you, and I think that you are right when you say

that you

wouldn’t want to risk losing it. However, I strongly believe that you

should let your friend know how you are feeling about her, because

keeping

these intense feelings for you is going to be difficult and could even

interfere in your friendship in the long term. Also, you mention that

your

friend ‘tried to make a move’ on you and therefore seems also

interested by

maybe more than a ‘traditionnal’ friendship with you. Has she ever

mentionned that she was also attracted by women ? Maybe it’s the first

time

for her too that she is attracted by another girl and she doesn’t know

how

to tell you and fears your reaction, just as you do for her. If this

is the

case, then one of you has to tell the other first so that you can both

share

your feelings and see where you want your relationship to go. It is

possible that if you decide to go out together and become a couple, or

decide to have sex, that your relationship will change and maybe that

could

affect your friendship, if you were to break up later for example.

However,

it is also possible that this will be one of the most beautiful

relationships that you can have in your life, and you should give

yourself

the chance to experience it ! Of course, it is also possible that your

friend is not ready to admit to herself her feelings for you, or that

she is

only considering you as a friend and has not thought about the

possibilty of

having any other kind of relationship with you. With that in mind, I

think

that you could bring up the subject of same-sex relationships/sex with

her

(you can say you saw two girls kissing in the street/movie and ask her

what

she thinks about that), see what is her opinion, then asks her if she

has

ever thought about another girl ‘that way’… Then she will probably

send

back the question to you and you can then decide whether or not you

want to

tell her your feelings. That being said, in the end, it’s really your

(and

your friend’s) choice about what you want to do, there’s no right or

wrong

decision, there are only different paths that you can choose in your

life

and that will lead you to different experiences. Go with your feelings

and

you can’t be wrong, just be prepared for all the possible consequences

of

your actions and everything should be just fine.