Hi James,

Unfortunately, there is no definite answer to your question. There is no absolute, fail-safe way to come out to your family and friends. How you do so depends very much on your family/friends, your level of comfort and readiness, and the way that makes you the most comfortable.

A good way to gauge how your family and friends will react is to bring up LGBTQ topics in casual conversation. Bringing up a topical issue such as same-sex marriage may help you gauge their level of understanding and comfort with homosexuality and may also allow you the opportunity to educate them in this subject.

How you come out is up to you and depends on your situation. There are a variety of options, such as a face-to-face discussion, e-mail, telephone or SMS. If you choose a non-verbal option, however, know that the subject of you sexuality may be brought up in future conversations.

You can also choose to come out a little at a time, starting with people that you know will support you. It’s good to have someone you are friends with both aware and supportive of your sexuality and your decision to come out when you decide you are ready to come out to your parents.

As to the boy, when you do decide to come out to him, don’t necessarily feel that you also have to immediately tell him of your feelings for him. Don’t be afraid to give him time to digest what is, to him, a new thing to know and react to about his friend. Also keep in mind that, straight or gay, he may not return your affections. You may not be his ‘type’, and as much as that might hurt at the time, it will lessen as time goes by.

If he does return your affections, don’t think that it must immediately jump to kissing. Don’t be afraid to just be friends first.

Above all, keep in mind that whatever your parents and his response, you are not alone, and you are not a freak. When confronted with homophobia, as you unfortunately may be, don’t lash out- at them or yourself- and remind yourself that people who say such things are simply ignorant.

Be happy and comfortable in your own body and with yourself, and don’t hesitate to talk to someone when you are feeling uncomfortable or alone.

I’d like to finish by saying that you should take to heart that, at the age of 12, you are comfortable and self-assured enough not only to recognize this part of yourself, but to call it what it is and to want to share this information with others, which suggests that you are a mature and self-confident individual who will do well.

For more information, or if you just want to talk, you can contact

08000 50 20 20- a free LGBTQ hotline run by the gay equality charity Stonewall

or ChildLine at 0800 1111

All the best,

Sophie