Does the way I masturbate make me bi?


Hi Wayne, Thanks for your question. I’ll try to help as best I can.

You’re curious as to whether or not masturbating while wearing women’s lingerie and sucking on a dildo makes you bisexual. The short answer to your question is no, simply masturbating while fantasizing about men or simulating gay sex acts does not make you bisexual, maybe bicurious though.

These are only labels, and you can choose to accept them or not. Generally, a person who have sexual attraction with people of both sexes is referred to as bisexual. However, many men engage in certain types of sexual activity with other men but prefer to consider themselves straight. These are known as “straight men who have sex with men” or SMSM. There’s a thorough article on this topic here: http://www.glbtq.com/social-sciences/straight_men_who.html

It’s important to note that there is a distinction between sexual behavior and sexual preference. It’s possible to enjoy, or be comfortable with certain sex acts, with your same sex. This is sexual behavior. Sexual preference refers to which sex you are sexually attracted. Sexually attracted meaning feeling an attraction that goes beyond simply appreciating or admiring the looks of a particular person, sex or gender. In my opinion, one would have to have a sexual preference of the same sex to be considered gay or bisexual.

On the other hand, there are those who have never actually had same sex relations who refer to themselves as gay or bi. Some people just know. Still, there are others who aren’t quite sure. These people sometimes refer to themselves as bicurious. Again, these are just labels and you can take them or leave them.

All semantic controversy aside, there is one theory on sexuality that seems to be widely accepted and it’s that it’s perfectly normal for heterosexuals to occasionally fantasize about same sex acts, as well as many other things they don’t necessarily intend on doing in real life, during masturbation.

Concerning your wearing of women’s lingerie, there is absolutely no direct connection between cross-dressing and being gay or bi. Many straight men report being aroused by wearing woman’s clothing in much the same way that women themselves arouse them. Many prominent drag queens are completely straight as well.

The bottom line here is that you will decide for yourself if you want to consider yourself bi or not or if you want to sleep with men or not. Masturbating in woman’s lingerie and sucking on a dildo alone doesn’t make you bi.

I hope this answers your question. If you have any other questions or concerns. Please feel free to write us back.

Sincerely,

Philip for AlterHéros


About Philip Borden

Philip holds a baccalaureate in philosophy.

I enjoyed being involved with "Tell the experts" because I was looking for a way to help queer youth and I really enjoyed answering most of the questions so far. I feel I’m good at it and it feels good to help with people’s problems.

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