12 July 2005

I think I have a crush on someone of the same gender.

I think I have a crush on someone of the same gender. I know that I won’t be able to go any further but friends but I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to stop thinking and just accept him as a friend but somehow I can’t. Life is so tough on me right now.

AlterHéros

Hi there!

The situation in your story is not an easy one. Thank you for sharing it with us! It’s a little difficult though for me to give you a good answer because a lot of important details are missing. Nevertheless, I’ll try to answer to the best of my knowledge. First off, is it the first time you’ve ever had a crush on another boy? Are you also attracted to girls? How do you identify yourself (heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, questionning?)? You don’t need to know right now, it’s ok to take your time to answer this question.

Why do you say that you won’t be able to go further? Is it because you see yourself as an heterosexual who dates only girls but sometimes feel desires for boys, you feel embarrassed by the fact you’re always thinking about your friend and don’t know what to do? Is it because you’re gay but you don’t think that your friend is too so you’re scared of going further with him because of that? Either way, you’re attracted to men! Now, if you really want to see what could happen with your friend, I think you should try to see by yourself. Try to bring to topic of homosexuality in a conversation with him. For instance, you could tell him that some guy was into you the other day and that you felt very uncomfortable about that just to see his react. If you see an openness by his part, you can try to know him on a more intimate level like asking him if he’s ever met a gay guy, what does he think of homosexuality, etc.

Don’t say to yourself “I won’t be able to go further” if you don’t try to see what the reality is. Maybe he’s gay, maybe he’s not but if you don’t take risks or actions, you’ll never know and you’ll be left wondering “what could’ve been…” Also, that fact that you don’t know if he’s gay only makes you think more about him, there’s an uncertainty, a “what if” that makes you feel uncomfortable with him, an obsession that won’t leave you. If you discovered by yourself that he’s not gay, that probably would relieve some tension in your friendly relationship and most importantly, stop you from constantly thinking about him in a sexual way.

If you have other questions, feel free to e-mail us anytime!

Good luck and take care!

Sébastien

AlterHeros

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