Where can I meet another "lipstick lesbian" ?
So I’ve recently come to terms with my sexuality – I’m an almost 18 year old bouncing between bi and lesbian. Except the more I go online and find out about the community, the more I see that ‘lipstick lesbians’ (feminine ID) are usually not as accepted in the gay community as butch-looking ones because the “real” lesbians doubt their sexual orientation. This saddens me, because I’m definitely a “femme”, attracted to other ‘lipstick lesbians”, and from what I’ve seen it seems to be incredibly hard to find others like me. I truly do not find masculine-identified lesbians attractive at all, and now I’m kind of paranoid there are very little ‘femmes’ out there – I’m scared of forever falling for the straight girls!
So, is there hope for me? Where can I meet other ‘lipsticks?’ I live in Montreal. My friend has proposed to accompany me to a gay bar, but I’m afraid everyone will be in their thirties (as opposed to the “het” clubs we go to usually) and the majority butch-looking…
Welcome to Montreal, home of beautiful femme women of every sexual persuasion! I don’t know where you’ve been looking that gave you the idea that “femme” women are not trusted as “real lesbians” but I can assure you that lesbians today generally do not easily fall into the old butch and femme categories, especially young lesbians. To use societal terms, those of us that are more masculine may be more easily identified but the field is wide open and lesbians are just being who they are more and more. There is definitely hope for you!
As for finding women, heading to the village would be a good start (Beaudry Metro) – it is heavily populated by men but there are a couple of good clubs such as Unity, which I can’t recommend since you are underaged, and you could pick up the queer newspaper or the magazine Fugues so that you can learn more about the Gay Village and the dance clubs within it. You can also find a lot of info about different leisure/activity groups that exists – some specifically for young lesbians.
Good luck and welcome to the Family!
Suzanne, for AlterHeros