#alterheros
#concern
#help
#lot
#love
#person
#situation
#someone
#space
15 September 2010

Though we fight a lot and he seems to have a lover, I have feelings for him.

I have feelings for someone and I think I’m completely in love with this person. We are both good looking men, the only problem is we do fight a lot. I think I’m in love for the first time but this person confuses me a lot. We have never been intimate and i do get this feeling he has someone, his brother in law works with me and confirmed that he doesn’t have anyone.I do work for a security firm in South Africa and asked him if he does have a Alarm system with us, seeing that I do have access to all clients i did my own search and came up with his residence but came across his boyfriends details.I saw a picture of him and this person on the internet hanging around a night club in Johannesburg. I did ask him about it and he was upset, his boyfriend told everyone on facebook that they going through a rough patch. He told me to leave him alone but now and then I do receive an sms or e-mail from him.@ times he will even dial my extension number to speak to his brother in-law.
confused.

Rahul Bhowmik

Robert,

First of all, thank you very much for reaching out to Alterheros. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, especially when it comes to dealing with this kind of personal and sensitive issue.

I do understand that you have strong feelings for this person that you mentioned. You also said that you think you might be in love with this person and yet you are fighting with him a lot. I have a friend who had to go through a similar type of situation and so, please know you are not alone. You mentioned that you saw a picture of him with another person hanging out in a night club and when you asked him about it he was upset and told you to leave him alone.

So Richard, here are my questions for you: How do you want this situation to be resolved? Do you want to continue to pursue and find out whether or not your love would truly be reciprocated? Or do you want to keep a certain distance from him as a way to give yourself some breathing space or moments of reflection? Does he clearly know that you have strong feelings for him; and what about his feelings towards you?

You might want to take some time reflecting on these questions and decide how far you are willing to go with this. I can understand how difficult that can be, especially when you deeply care about someone. I also do hear how confusing it can be perhaps wondering if that person truly loves you and cares about you. When you have strong feelings for someone, it can be hard or confusing not knowing if that person would love you back. It is also possible that the other person is going through a tough time which is quite possible because as you mentioned that this person has a lover already and that they are going through a rough patch. So, he might need some time and space for himself to figure everything out. In any case, giving yourself some time would perhaps allow you to make a clear decision, to listen to your heart and make the right choices in the end.

So, I hope this does help to ease your concern a bit. If you have any questions or concern in the future, please feel free to contact Alterheros.

All the best to you.

Rahul , for Alterheros

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