27 septembre 2023

Is my loss of erection with a girl caused by insecurity or homosexuality ?

Hello, im 19 years old, and im really concerned and worried abot whats going on with my sexual feelings, im 100 % sure that im emotionally straight, ive fallen in love with a lot of girls, including three girlfriends, but i have a strong sexual atraction to the male sex, i have never had sexual contact with a male, and ive never felt emotionally atracted to men, it disgust me, but i have had close contact with females, but never penetrated them because its really hard for me to get an erection, i have a new girlfriend now im emotionally in love and im starting to feel a sexual atraction to her, but i still cant have a complete erection. so everytime we start to make out and touch each other i start feeling insecure because i feel like i wont have an erection and feel humilliated, i want to have sex with her, and i also want to give her pleasure. Am I just insecure or am I sexually homosexual? is this hapening because its my first time and i feel scared?

sabrina prégent

Hi Mark,

It is normal that you worried about your sexuality. There is a lot of people who identified themselves as heterosexual but who have fantasies about having sex with someone of the same sex. Moreover, there are people who have sex with people of the same sex but who only have relationship with the other sex. Some of them define themselves as bisexual and others as heterosexual. What is important is to feel comfortable with yourself and your identity.

Concerning erections, it is normal to not be able to have some. Stress to be humiliated and to not satisfy your lover make it more dificult. There are a lot of men, straight or gay, who will experiment this difficulties at least one time. Try to be relax; the moment you will think it is not that grave, you probably be able to have some erections. The mental state has a big power on the ability of having an erection. So, it doesn’t absolutely mean you are gay; if you are attracted by girls (as you seem to express in your message), this is probably not the main reason. However, if you have strong thoughts about having sex with men when you try to have an erection to make love to your girlfriend, it can make it hard too.

I hope you will find the solution,

Sabrina, Alterheros