I was heart-broken by guys, now I like lesbian porn, how can I change that?


Hi Rebecca,

Thanks so much for submitting your question to Alterheros! I understand that this must be a confusing time for you. In answer to your question, there are a few things to consider. First and foremost, your happiness, safety and health are of utmost importance – whether you find that you’re interested in just ladies or men, or both, keeping those three things for yourself as a top priority, is the best way to find out how the rest of the pieces fit together.

In regards to being interested in lesbian porn, you may just be turning to something that seems to you, completely unrelated to those past bad experiences, and trying to remove yourself as far as possible. This seems like a natural reaction to being broken-hearted over two bad experiences. It is not easy to encourage yourself that the next boy will be right when your past relationships with men have hurt you so much. I think its important to realize that although yes, having your heart broken is painful and deserves grieving, you should also know you will come out stronger in the end, get to know yourself better and the problems in your past relationships will help you realize and narrow down what it is that makes a relationship work for you. Whether your past problems were due to actually not being interested in men, might be the case, it also might not be. Your interest in lesbian porn might just be out of novel curiosity as well, or it could be genuine attraction too. Ultimately, I think you should just keep an open mind to both possibilities, and try to accept that you can live a healthy, safe and happy life with any sort of path you choose.

You seem a bit scared of the possibility of bisexuality, or lesbianism, experimenting with girls, or entertaining the thought of same-sex relationships. Just to let you know, there are many people who feel the same as you out there! There are community groups, social groups, and a lot of support online and in real-time. It is nothing to be ashamed of. And if you are afraid of coming out, you don’t have to feel like you need to come out to the entire world all at once! You can gradually come out, or perhaps, only come out to some people in your life, if it makes you uncomfortable, just to not share it with them. In the meantime, there are safe spaces and support, like Alterheros for example. = )

Lastly, you are young! Your romantic interests grow, change and develop over time – anything from the kind of person you’re interested in to the type of porn you enjoy can change. This is totally fine and normal. Think about how many other aspects of your life change in a similar fashion. It is a myth that sexuality is an exception to life changes.

I hope that has helped clarify some things for you. Please let us know if you have any other questions!

For Alterheros,

Evelyn.


About Evelyn Kuang

Evelyn holds a BA in Psychology, Sexual Diversity Studies, and Social Studies of Medicine. She also has work experience in Women’s Healthcare, and Sexual Healthcare Clinic. She was also an intern at a Alcohol and Substance Abuse Recovery program. In 2008, she was part of the organizers for Vagina Monologues College Campaign @ McGill.

I love counseling, education and debunking myths. I’m very passionate about sexual healthcare and seek to change the way we think, tolerate and perceive sexuality in all its facets.

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