2 septembre 2009

I have a hard time knowing if this guy is flirting or not.

I like this guy I who works at a coffee shop, the first time I met him I think he caught me checking him out. A few days later he initiated a conversation and we have been talking casually since. Today I touched his tattoo and rubbed my finger gently on his arm and asked him to come hang out with me when he gets off work. we talked for a little while and we exchanged numbers. But I’m not really sure if he is gay and if he is attracted to me either, I have a hard time telling if a guy is gay or if he is flirting with me. What must I do?

Philip Borden

Hi Jake!

Thanks for your question. Sometimes it's hard to tell if someone is flirting with you or just trying to be friendly. The best thing to do in this situation is to flirt back and see where it goes. Whether or not someone is interested in you should become evident pretty quickly, unless there are a series of unlikely misunderstandings (Like in so many bad sitcoms from the 90s).

Of course, there are those who flirt with you even if they are not interested in you romantically. Maybe they have some ulterior motive (Like a big tip) or they just like the attention. This is only a small minority of people. Most of the time, if someone agrees to spend time alone with you, it shouldn't take too long to figure out if they're interested in you romantically or not. If all else fails, being frank might be the way to go. Not rude, or vulgar. Just tell him how you feel.

Despite so many people claiming to have “gaydar”, it's not always obvious what someone's sexual preferences are. Luckily there are plenty of question you could ask or comments you could make which will lead to these preferences being revealed, pretty quickly. Or… you could just ask him. I wouldn't open with that question but I've been asked which gender(s) I preferred on too many occasions to recall. It's not something which I was ever offended by. As well, this question has been posed to many of my straight friends without them ever taking offense.

I hope this all turns out well for you. Let us know if you have any other questions and feel free to follow up with us.


Philip for AlterHéros