I felt guilty about masturbating. Now I keep thinking about penis!


Hi Johnn, thanks for asking your question

Let's start with sexual feeling; yes sexuality is something that is perfectly normal, a boy or male teenager should never feel guilty about his being horny, or having sexual thoughts, feelings, fantasies or desires. All these are perfectly normal; it's just religion, culture and society that often frown on sexuality. And some go farther by making it quite clear that sexual feelings, eroticism and sex are something that is bad, negative or evil.

As an example, in the past in Canada and the USA, before organized government and public schools, the Catholic and Christian religions where very strong in North America, they dictated how people should think and what people should do in everyday life. Sexual thoughts, fantasy, eroticism, masturbation, and sex just for pleasure were seen as unacceptable and wrong (against God). As science and freethinking people took over control from the religious societies; the religious ways of living and ways of thinking where factualized and started being dismissed as one sided opinion-based thinking, because they were not based on freedom of thought, freedom of speech, equal rights and the protection of minorities. However, some societies in the world still have very stringent rules & regulations, and are still entrenched and controlled by religion and culture. An example is the burqa and the chadri, which is a long garment that covers the body from head to toe. Some women use these long fabrics to hide their bodies because in their culture/religion it is not acceptable for men to see, or be tempted by the woman's body.

In Canada, we see a lot of religious symbolism in the use of these garments by women.

There is drawback to all the sexual freedom that most North Americans enjoy, it means that if parents, governments, health authorities, community centers and schools are unwilling or unable to provide pre-teens, teens and young adults with a proper, unbiased sexual education, we as a society in North America have experienced many problems including sexualized media and advertising, kids easily having access to pornography, teenage pregnancies, unhealthy relationships, sexually transmitted diseases, HIV/AIDS and so on. So it's a difficult thing to judge: Should control exist where people would feel uncomfortable and embarrassed about sexuality, or where people are open and free to sexuality but have all the information and resources they need to take responsibility for their sexual well being?

But regardless of what society, culture, religion or country you live in, the reality is that all humans are sexual beings, it is because of sex that we exist and have reproduced ourselves. Trying to control our sexual needs and tensions will not solve anything, it is almost impossible to be completely celibate and never have sexual thought or feelings. Sexuality is part of human life.

So being embarrassed or trying to control your sexuality is not recommended, you are better to question and learn about your sexual development, your sexuality, your orientation and that of others. There are many books and scientific papers about sexuality, desires, relationships and more. Many of these works are available on the Internet, at liberal bookstores and at university libraries.

To answer your other question yes it's perfectly normal to masturbate when you are a teen and adult. Trying things helps you learn about your body, this includes: dressing-up or wearing specific types of clothes (fetishes), using sex toys, anal masturbation and more. You can read an article that explains sexual maturation during the teenage years here https://alterheros.com/english/ask_experts/ask.cfm?QID=1870&s=&ss=

This article also explains wanting to experience oral sex and gay sex.

In the description box of the message you sent says you’re 19 years old. By what you wrote in your question you have started to clarify your sexual orientation, as you said in your question: you dated women and thought of women in the past, “but now that i think of penis”, you say you are thinking about penis and this gets you sexually excited. It seems to me that because you have not had a chance to have gay sex, that all your focus and drive is very strong toward anal sex. It is understandable that at 19 your sex drive (wanting to have sex) is very strong and you desire a sexual relationship with another person.

You would need to widen your focus so you can take the time needed to meet people, including men in areas where gay men feel safe and are likely to be found. There might be certain coffee shops or nightclubs that are more open to these things. Greece has a GLBT community, so try to find friendship groups and activity groups in the larger cities, but if traveling, be very careful concerning your personal safety because countries like Egypt and countries within the United Arab Emirates still have laws in place that ban and punish homosexual acts. Read this at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Egypt

In Iran, the risk of being arrested, beaten and killed are quite high, so if visiting or living in those countries I would not even go on Internet dating sites, the government or law enforcement monitor internet traffic to capture your IP address and are able to find your computer's location, or set-up sting operations with fake parties setting you up to be arrested…so it's just too dangerous. If you are a college or university student from any of those countries and are finding it difficult, try and get into a program where you can travel outside of your country, go to England, to Canada or the US to do some or all of your studies.

JP for Project 10 Montreal

www.p10.qc.ca


About JP Duc

JP has over 10 years of experience working with GLBTIQ youth organizations. He has been also a dedicated volunteer for over 16 major events including conferences & social functions for the gay community in Montreal. He also has done studies in creative arts, audio-visual and communication.

I enjoy challenging myself to find interesting ways of transmitting unbiased and practical information/solutions to common problems teenagers, and gay people face concerning sexuality. Seeing feedback from our visitors in the guestbook proves to me that a need exists for AlterHeros services and the thousands of volunteer hours that go into this organisation are appreciated by people from all over the world.

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