28 mars 2023

I feel I've wronged my parents by being gay

I am gay and I feel as if I’ve seriously wronged my parents.
I never had any religious issues surrounding my self acceptance. Though I always felt that I should forget that I am gay, at least for a few years until I am financially independent. My parents are too conservative. They don’t even expect me to date a guy before I marry…so, dating a girl and living with her, especially when homosexuality is illegal here and the society so rigidly patriarchal…they would think that its more of a mistake that should be corrected.
And, right now I feel so unsure about my own life, both personally and professionally, that it grips me in guilt. I know that my parents have done so much for me, and by being gay, I’ve already put aside many of their expectations. I work really hard at my academics, but if my score falls below their hopes from me, that makes me feel twice as bad.
I want to focus on what’s important for me, but I don’t know how to get my mind off all this?


Dear Andy,

What is more important to you…to live your life or that of your parents? You are still young and many other issues will invade your mind that will require you to pause and think,What do I want? Am I doing this for myself or to please someone else? Do NOT loose focus on what your needs are…your health and happiness. Would you be willing to risk everything to be who you are or are going to be? You may not know who thiat person is right now but that person is inside you waiting to come out? No pun intended. Sometimes we think we know and we are so far off and other times we feel lost and yet there is that quiet confidence directing us underneath it all. Have faith in yourself.

Your life from now on will not be the same as it was in the past. It will continue to change and mutate as you grow older and gain new experiences. Your dynamics with your parents, your social environment, your friends will change. For better or worse. The only path that will guide you is acceptance. It may be a rough journey but stay true to yourself and it will be alright. With or without the acceptance of your parents. Understand that they may or may not understand. Don’t fight it. It will be what it will be. You aren’t alone fighting this battle. You will never be alone. Always remember that, no matter how lonely it might get. Be you.


for Alterheros