Could a same-sex attraction just be a fantasy ?

I’m confused by this idea, which I’ve read a lot on this site in the past few days of reading….this is a clip from Roger’s response to Jessica’s question: «Being attracted to a woman doesn’t make you gay or bi or anything. It could just be fantasy, it
could be that you’re attracted to women and men, or
just to men or just to women.» What does it mean, that a same-sex attraction could just be a fantasy, but doesn’t necessarily mean you are attracted to the same sex?

sabrina prégent

Hi Susan,

I understand that you may not feel comfortable with this idea or that you don’t agree with it. There are several teens that write to us because they were wondering if they were gay because they had a homosexual dream or because once they thougth to a man or men having a sexual relation. You probably know that in adolescence, boys and girls pass trough a lot of physical and psychological changes. They had to build up their identity troughout their body change. The hormones’ level is changeable and all that make teens being very emotional. Furthermore, it’s in adolescence that boys and girls start having sexual thoughts and dreams, attractions and some fantasies. It is often at this time that they will begin to think about their sexual orientation. All this changes of their bodies but also in their mind, emotions, personnalities and values are difficult and confusing for teens. So they will have a lot of different thoughts and dreams that could confuse them more again. Several teen will have homosexual or bisexual dreams and thougth (and maybe experiences) and that doesn’t mean they are homosexuals or bisexuals; it doesn’t mean their are in a kind of exploration phase where they will learn what and who attracts them.

An adult can be attract by a person of the same sex but without being homosexual or bisexual. For example, they are womens/mens who fell in love with another women/men. They never were attracted by people of the same sex, but this person were so special for them; maybe she/he has all what they liked in a person. However, after this, they never been attracted by another person of the same sex. They are not homosexual or bisexual; they just had fall in love with someone and this person was a person of the same sex than they.

I hope I could answer at least a little bit to your question and maybe make you more understand Roger’s response. Don’t hesitate to write us again if you have another question.

Sabrina, AlterHeros