Hey,
so ive always sort of felt i was bisexual. since probably around 8, however recently (probably like 13) i realized that thats not true. i feel uncomfortable around men, im not sure if its just like a phobia or something to do with my dad (as i never knew him) the idea of kissing or intimately touching a man makes me extremely uncomfortable, ive had boyfriends in the past and being physically close to them is really really hard for me. even emotionally i dont know how to let them in, im worried it will always be this way as ive tried so many things and its all yet to work. i have tried out different labels, asexual, queer, lesbian, straight and nothing seems to fit right. for a little while asexual is what i went with even though i didnt think it fit right, because im not sexually attracted to anyone. being close to girls has always been easier for me, ive even kissed a few, hugging hand holding etc etc just works better but im not sure if its because i dont like females or because i do. it all just sort of blurs together and i never know what im feeling. i grew up in a home that wasnt very affectionate and so i was thinking maybe that had something to do with it? my parents didnt like eachother that much and fought a lot and again, i thought that mightve been a reason as to why i cant make meaningful relationships. i dont know really maybe this was a bad idea but if there was anything you could help me with, or anything you could like clarify for me it would be great. please get back to me :).
Lala
