I have been thinking a lot lately about myself, about my sexual orientation which i know nothing about it. I’ve been overthinking a lot about my condition. I’m not sure about my actual sexual orientation, i’ve been attracted to gay porn since 12 years old, now i’m 22 yo, i’m still attracted, but in real life, i just don’t know, i have a lot of male friends who i don’t find attractive to do something like porn, and also for 5 years, i’ve been living with male roommates, and i have never been saying to myself that i like this guy or o i’m attracted to that one, never. In addition, even if i was attracted by someone, i would never do that, first of all because of my religion that i respect, second of all because i won’t be liking doing sex with guys.
I imagine myself with a woman, and ofc having children... i want to stoop thinking about this problem and live a good life, specially in my twenties. This problem affected me so much, that i can’t talk to any girl, thinking that i won’t be her prince. This problem is living in my mind for over 4 years now, but as im growing, im just letting go the idea of having a straight relationships, that i dream of them. I just want to be normal.
I’m also thinking that my attraction to guys, is that i envy them about their dick size is, all i see during looking to a gay porn video o a photo, is just the person’s dick that all, because i think
my 14cm’s dick isn’t enough, specially when all of my male friends have big dicks behind their boxers, i just envy them. I try telling myself that my self-confidence came from my unhappiness about my penis. I want to know how to deal with this shit, and how i can get what i want, a normal life, no gay thing no dicks, Just having a girl by my side and living together.