Category: Sexual and romantic orientation


I’m non-binary and I want to know my sexual orientation…

Hi. I would like to know about my sexuality. When I was younger, and people thought I was a girl, I had crushes on only boys. Now, looking back, I'm not sure if the crushes were real, or if soceity - (did I spell that right?) and my family- pressured me into wanting to fake crushes so I could fit in with my female cousins and classmates. looking back, there were enormous signs of my omnigender identity lying there, just being ignored. the way I wanted to hang out with my boy cousins more than my female ones, the times I played wearing both a princess dress and a fake mustache, and the way I was so upset the night my mom was telling my sister about gender indentities, and when I told my mom I was non-binary after hearing that term, she told me I wasn't, which might have been one of the worst nights of my life. but enough about my gender. I'm positive of it now and I want to know my orientation. Later, just after I came out, I started having crushes on girls. I was madly in love with my best friend for awhile, but now I'm shipping her with my other friend, so I'm really over her. By then, (and still now) I find straight white cis boys repulsive (and other boys pretty bad as well.) which was the exact type of guy I used to crush on (or maybe not?) but here's the weirdest part. I was so crazy about this kid (who told everyone he was non-binary at the time) that I sent him a message, telling him I liked him, then as soon as he said he was actually a boy, I lost complete intrest in him. crazy, I know. Do they have a sexuality fluid orientation? Did I make up all my crushes exept the last one, to be accepted? these questions flood my mind. please help. Minijkrowling


So is it normal to reject your sexuality? How do ...

I have questioned my sexuality basically my entire life. I have always felt more attracted to women than men. But always dated men because it was considered "normal". My first kiss ever, was with a girl. My first sexual experience was with a girl. My best friend in middle school and I messed around a lot and spent just about every day with her. But when she finally wrote me a letter telling me how she felt towards me and that she wanted to be more than just my friend, It pissed me off. I was really mean to her and just stopped being friends with her altogether. For years, off and on I messed around with another one of my friends but convinced myself that we were just having fun. And Everytime she tried to make it more official, It would irritate me. Both of us, were off and on in relationships with men. Anytime I've been in a relationship with a guy, I've always struggled with letting go of the "gay thoughts". I'd always choose spending time around females than I would my boyfriend/partner. I've always been more comfortable around females than men. Everytime I was in a straight relationship with a guy, I always felt like I couldn't fully be myself. It wasn't until I finally decided to stop being in a straight relationship and started seeing a female. She was/is so pretty and funny and that was the first time in my entire life where I felt genuinely happy and completely myself. Being in straight relationships with men, It was very rare that I ever made the first move but being with her was completely different. I wanted to kiss her, hold her hand, literally just be next to her. But the thought of coming all the out was literally terrifying. I don't know why. I wanted to commit and ask her to be my girlfriend soo bad but I did the exact opposite. All the thoughts like, what Is my life going to look like being in a relationship with a female, what if this is just a phase for her, how are both of our kids gonna react, there was so many questions that spiked my anxiety to the point that I just ghosted her and went back to seeing men and made excuses and was kinda mean to her. I've always been more okay with public relationships with men but I struggled with them privately, being with a female is opposite. So is it normal to reject your sexuality? How do I become more comfortable with it? K.O.


I am 39 years old and just came out as ...

Hello, I am a 39 year old male, who just recently came out. I admit I am struggling with my new identity/lifestyle/ am struggling to continue to come out to those around (currently I just came out to those very close to me and just shut everyone else out of my life). I am looking for some support/ group to help me feel comfortable with new identity and am not entirely sure where to go for help. I found your website on line (I know it says the focus is up to age 35, but I figured I would try and write to see if you'd be able to help). Thank you in advance for any help your able to offer. Nicholas



I have been thinking a lot lately about my sexual ...

Hello I have been thinking a lot lately about myself, about my sexual orientation which i know nothing about it. I’ve been overthinking a lot about my condition. I’m not sure about my actual sexual orientation, i’ve been attracted to gay porn since 12 years old, now i’m 22 yo, i’m still attracted, but in real life, i just don’t know, i have a lot of male friends who i don’t find attractive to do something like porn, and also for 5 years, i’ve been living with male roommates, and i have never been saying to myself that i like this guy or o i’m attracted to that one, never. In addition, even if i was attracted by someone, i would never do that, first of all because of my religion that i respect, second of all because i won’t be liking doing sex with guys. I imagine myself with a woman, and ofc having children... i want to stoop thinking about this problem and live a good life, specially in my twenties. This problem affected me so much, that i can’t talk to any girl, thinking that i won’t be her prince. This problem is living in my mind for over 4 years now, but as im growing, im just letting go the idea of having a straight relationships, that i dream of them. I just want to be normal. I’m also thinking that my attraction to guys, is that i envy them about their dick size is, all i see during looking to a gay porn video o a photo, is just the person’s dick that all, because i think my 14cm’s dick isn’t enough, specially when all of my male friends have big dicks behind their boxers, i just envy them. I try telling myself that my self-confidence came from my unhappiness about my penis. I want to know how to deal with this shit, and how i can get what i want, a normal life, no gay thing no dicks, Just having a girl by my side and living together. Thank you



What if I stay in this relationship for the rest ...

I've been in a relationship with a queer female person for a year now. I've never been in any other relationship. We're in a very happy and healthy relationship together. But, I'm worried about the future. What if I stay in this relationship for the rest of my life, and never have any experiences with other people, or with people of other genders? I feel badly for thinking this way, but the both of us starting CEGEP has me thinking of my future. My partner and I talk about everything, but I don't want her to feel like I don't want to be with her by telling her this. Though they're very supportive of my queerness, my parents might like the idea of me "trying a relationship with a boy too", so I feel like they aren't the best people to ask. And I have no queer adults in my life to look up to who. I don't know what I should do or who I should talk to.



Am I bisexual because I want a relationship with a ...

I am currently fifteen and this August turning sixteen. In the past two years or so I have started being fiscally attracted to other men and sometimes I fantasize having sex in the future with men. I think I am straight because I have always wanted to have a wife with kids and have a family but I am not fiscally attracted to women. But i still haven't been in a relationship with a girl or a boy. I am confused about my sexuality. Am I gay because I am attracted more to them and not girls. Am I bi because I want a relationship with a girl but I will be down to try with a boy. Or am I just not ready to accept what my sexuality is?


My partner is asexual and I’m not. How can we ...

I feel kinda awkward asking this but there aren’t many ressources so I think this is my best shot. I’m trans and my bf is also trans. We are in a long distance relationship. He’s asexual and I’m not however he’s pretty okay with having sex he just doesn’t get anything out of it and he prefers kinky things then actual sex. We’ve tried a few things but I wanna find a way I can make both me and him happy sexually dépiste being far apart. Any suggestions on how to do that in long distance relationships ?


Can you be lesbian without a strong attraction towards anyone ...

Can you be lesbian without a strong attraction towards anyone yet? I’ve never really felt a strong attraction towards or had a crush on anyone of either gender yet. I’ve been questioning my sexuality for a while, and i started to think i might be a lesbian. This has lead me to the question, do i need to have felt a strong attraction or had a crush on a girl to be a lesbian? And does it really matter anyway? Many thanks, Samantha



I have tried out different labels, asexual, queer, lesbian, straight ...

Hey, so ive always sort of felt i was bisexual. since probably around 8, however recently (probably like 13) i realized that thats not true. i feel uncomfortable around men, im not sure if its just like a phobia or something to do with my dad (as i never knew him) the idea of kissing or intimately touching a man makes me extremely uncomfortable, ive had boyfriends in the past and being physically close to them is really really hard for me. even emotionally i dont know how to let them in, im worried it will always be this way as ive tried so many things and its all yet to work. i have tried out different labels, asexual, queer, lesbian, straight and nothing seems to fit right. for a little while asexual is what i went with even though i didnt think it fit right, because im not sexually attracted to anyone. being close to girls has always been easier for me, ive even kissed a few, hugging hand holding etc etc just works better but im not sure if its because i dont like females or because i do. it all just sort of blurs together and i never know what im feeling. i grew up in a home that wasnt very affectionate and so i was thinking maybe that had something to do with it? my parents didnt like eachother that much and fought a lot and again, i thought that mightve been a reason as to why i cant make meaningful relationships. i dont know really maybe this was a bad idea but if there was anything you could help me with, or anything you could like clarify for me it would be great. please get back to me :). Lala