Growing up, I was always fascinated with sex. I wanted to be the girl that all the guys liked. I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 7 and always wanted a boyfriend. In high school and college I never dated anyone. I was interested in guys but never super interested. The last time I really liked a boy was when I was a freshman in high school. We were best friends and I was obsessed with him. I know that I am sexually attracted to guys. When I watch pornography, I either watch male masturbation videos or I wish that I was the woman in the scene. In fact, women moaning turns me off sometimes. However, I I feel as if I had crushes on girls in the past. It usually is people I'm good friends with and doesn't come out of nowhere. My current best friend, we are super close. We will tell each other everything and talk all the time. We cuddle and people have thought we were dating. I think about her all the time and want to spend all of my time with her. However, there is also intense anxiety in the friendship. I feel as if I am dependent on her emotionally and based on friendship trauma from elementary, I fear she will end the friendship out of nowhere. I also am super jealous of her. She pulls more guys than I do and I am jealous of her that it is so easy for her to fall for men. I get anxious when she is dating someone. One, I am jealous that she is dating somebody and has had the ability to fall for a man. 2, I am worried that I will be replaced. I think I am romantically attracted to her and I am sensually as well. I want to give her hugs and cuddle with her but I am not turned on by the idea of having sex with a woman. I am turned on by the idea of sex with a man though. I haven't had sex ever but I get turned on from making out with guys at bars. My anxiety gets really bad because I want to get married to a man but I worry that I am really a lesbian and that I'm in love with my best friend and that it will never happen for me. Please help.