Category: Internalized Homophobia

So is it normal to reject your sexuality? How do ...

I have questioned my sexuality basically my entire life. I have always felt more attracted to women than men. But always dated men because it was considered "normal". My first kiss ever, was with a girl. My first sexual experience was with a girl. My best friend in middle school and I messed around a lot and spent just about every day with her. But when she finally wrote me a letter telling me how she felt towards me and that she wanted to be more than just my friend, It pissed me off. I was really mean to her and just stopped being friends with her altogether. For years, off and on I messed around with another one of my friends but convinced myself that we were just having fun. And Everytime she tried to make it more official, It would irritate me. Both of us, were off and on in relationships with men. Anytime I've been in a relationship with a guy, I've always struggled with letting go of the "gay thoughts". I'd always choose spending time around females than I would my boyfriend/partner. I've always been more comfortable around females than men. Everytime I was in a straight relationship with a guy, I always felt like I couldn't fully be myself. It wasn't until I finally decided to stop being in a straight relationship and started seeing a female. She was/is so pretty and funny and that was the first time in my entire life where I felt genuinely happy and completely myself. Being in straight relationships with men, It was very rare that I ever made the first move but being with her was completely different. I wanted to kiss her, hold her hand, literally just be next to her. But the thought of coming all the out was literally terrifying. I don't know why. I wanted to commit and ask her to be my girlfriend soo bad but I did the exact opposite. All the thoughts like, what Is my life going to look like being in a relationship with a female, what if this is just a phase for her, how are both of our kids gonna react, there was so many questions that spiked my anxiety to the point that I just ghosted her and went back to seeing men and made excuses and was kinda mean to her. I've always been more okay with public relationships with men but I struggled with them privately, being with a female is opposite. So is it normal to reject your sexuality? How do I become more comfortable with it? K.O.

I enjoy seeing girls having sex, but I don’t want ...

I am a straight girl. I always want to look at pornography on the Internet. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I look at a girl and a guy have sex, but I watch more videos of girls having sex with other girl. I know I am straight, but I need someone to tell me if I am straight. I can't be gay/lesbian/bi and be a Pentecostal (that's my religion). I need someone to tell me I am straight and I am doing my best to stop looking at pornography. I love the Lord and He will help me understand. I would never kiss or have sex with another girl, but I enjoy seeing other girls have sex. I don't like that feeling at all! What should I do?

I am worried I might be a lesbian

I am worried I might be a lesbian. I like these girls but I don't know if I just look up to them or if I really like them in that way. I don't want to be though. I have always dreamed of growing up with my husband and having kids and living a wonderful life. I go to an all-girls camp for eight weeks also. So I don't know if that would influence it or not. I am only thirteen though so I don't know if you can tell by then. I would appreciate it if you would just give me some background and tell me your thoughts. Thanks a lot!

I hate my feminine side…

hi.....i got this site while i was searching on google to find a way to escape from being GAY... being a gay reallllllly dont screw my mind.. but being sissy..i mean my acts, the way i walk, and the way i talk is really kinda girly.... which i HATE!!! by going through this site i had known that there is NOWAY i can be hetero.... but if only you can help me to chang the sissy acts of mine....realllllllllllllly im in need of some help!!!!!!!... i have soome friends who are with me because im gay....they thought im a gay coz of the way my actions are..... i get so disgusted every time i see myself in the mirror.... i have never seen me through it but allways a GIRLY SISSY man .... the thought of it also eats me alive..... can you plz plz plz help me!!!!!!!!!

What can I do to accept my sexual orientation ?

While I came out at the age of seventeen (I will soon be 22), I am finding it more and more difficult with every coming year to accept my sexual identity. I feel suffocated by how the word "lesbian" makes me feel and the hurt it has caused my very traditional immigrant family. I have even grown to dislike being near women, leaving me with nothing more than empty sexual attraction and loneliness. I simply have no clue how to pull myself out of this situation.