i was raped when i was 13 and i've adored girls since i was 14 always feeling repulsion for men, never attraction. I tried to act "normal" which also disgusted me, and i slept with 4 men to try and prove how normal i was. This whole act left me dead inside and i was utterly repulsed by me and my actions. I hated being gay and hid it from everyone. When i was twenty i met a man in a bar who i instantly fell for despite finding the male form repulsive. He is wonderful and tender and attentive and perfect, we have been married nearly 11 years. i have recently told him i am a lesbian though i have never had any girlfriends and tried to explain my past and the fact that basically i have lied about being straight. We still have sex and i adore him as a person and tend not to see him as a man, obviously everything is confusing, can you please help. He is very supportive and loving and is trying to understand, but i guess i just can't explain who i am very well. Am i a lesbian?