Tag: attraction


I’m wondering if I’m really a lesbian or if I’m ...

Ok, so, I've been questioning my sexuality a lot these past few months. I've found out that I'm certainly attracted to women in a romantic way and in a sexual way. And, personally, being with a woman sounds a lot more loving and comfortable than with a man. I thought I was attracted to guys, but I never really liked them romantically (not as much as women, and with a guy we really might have been just friends?) and that the thought of doing anything sexual with a guy grossed me out / made me very uncomfortable. For a while, I assumed I was asexual because of it. But when people pointed out if certain guys were hot, I could see where they were coming from, only I didn't really want to do anything with it. And when I was friends with guys, it was hard to tell if it was *just* friendship or a crush. But part of me still wonders if I'm really a lesbian or if I'm bi. I'm way more sure of my attraction to women than to guys. Do lesbians see that a guy is kinda hot, but don't really want to do anything about it? Is it comphet? PS : Thanks for answering, this website's really helped me out a lot


Can I still be genderfluid if I was very comfortable ...

Hello! I have two questions that are very much related to each other. The first part is, can I still be genderfluid if I was very comfortable with being cis (a cis female) until I turned 15. Only after I turned 15 did I start considering it and even then it took a while before I started feeling a mix of masculine and feminine on different days. Could this have been a trauma response, since I only started questioning when my trauma got really severe? Or could this really be who I am, and not just a phase caused by the trauma?? And my second question is if my trauma could have caused me to become asexual or at least on the ace spectrum. Because I also never considered being ace until my trauma got the most severe and after I got out of it. Any response would be much appreciated!! With so many of my friends having experienced childhood dysphoria or signs of not being cis, I can’t tell if it is just a phase or a trauma response. Thank you!! - Atlas


I’m wondering if, whether I was born bisexual and only ...

I’m in my late 50’s, married to a wonderful woman for over 30 years. I was always very attracted to women and my wife. As frequency of sex grew less over the years, I ventured into gay classifieds and was immediately turned on. I had never in the past had any romantic or sexual interest in men, at least that I was conscious of. I began to chat with guys on sites like Grindr but could never get up the nerve to actually meet anyone. I also value my marriage and don’t consciously like the idea of cheating on my wife. My sexual interest in her grew less and less (her interest in sex had waned over the years) and I started masturbating to gay porn and found it very erotic. That’s where I am now. I believe I am open minded sexually but not turned on by men romantically still, but very turned on sexually. I question whether I may have had homosexual feelings when I was younger and repressed them, growing up in a Christian culture where this was unacceptable, but I never had the slightest sign of this when I was younger, only a desire for women. I was also very shy and had low self esteem, so I didn’t date until I was older. I didn’t feel accepted by women then, but never felt the slightest desire for men. So today I am in a great, but sexless marriage (partly due to my lack being turned by my wife), and I constantly fantasize about sex and intimacy with men and seem to be stuck in that loop. I question to myself whether I was born bisexual and only recently realized it or did I develop this sexual appetite for men, maybe out of sexual boredom in my marriage



I think I am romantically attracted to my best friend ...

Growing up, I was always fascinated with sex. I wanted to be the girl that all the guys liked. I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 7 and always wanted a boyfriend. In high school and college I never dated anyone. I was interested in guys but never super interested. The last time I really liked a boy was when I was a freshman in high school. We were best friends and I was obsessed with him. I know that I am sexually attracted to guys. When I watch pornography, I either watch male masturbation videos or I wish that I was the woman in the scene. In fact, women moaning turns me off sometimes. However, I I feel as if I had crushes on girls in the past. It usually is people I'm good friends with and doesn't come out of nowhere. My current best friend, we are super close. We will tell each other everything and talk all the time. We cuddle and people have thought we were dating. I think about her all the time and want to spend all of my time with her. However, there is also intense anxiety in the friendship. I feel as if I am dependent on her emotionally and based on friendship trauma from elementary, I fear she will end the friendship out of nowhere. I also am super jealous of her. She pulls more guys than I do and I am jealous of her that it is so easy for her to fall for men. I get anxious when she is dating someone. One, I am jealous that she is dating somebody and has had the ability to fall for a man. 2, I am worried that I will be replaced. I think I am romantically attracted to her and I am sensually as well. I want to give her hugs and cuddle with her but I am not turned on by the idea of having sex with a woman. I am turned on by the idea of sex with a man though. I haven't had sex ever but I get turned on from making out with guys at bars. My anxiety gets really bad because I want to get married to a man but I worry that I am really a lesbian and that I'm in love with my best friend and that it will never happen for me. Please help.


I have known that I was queer since I was ...

So, I do I don’t really know the point of asking this aside from maybe finding solace. So I have known that I was queer since I was 13. I began liking boys once I hit puberty, and it was something I never really brought up. I always grew up with crushes on my make friends, even in the present. I never personally denied it to myself, I just was unsure when or what to confront about it. In some ways it never bothered me, but as I’ve gotten older and closer to being a real adult, it’s certainly affected me more. I know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking the same sex. I know that. I KNOW that…but I think despite accepting my sexuality, that I still feel a sense of shame for it. Maybe it’s me reconciling the ideas that a naive child has for a future, with the viewpoint of an adult. During one of my lectures, I actually liked a girl and we went out for a while. I believe I did have a crush on her, but sometimes I just think that I was gaslighting myself to avoid my abstract insecurities on my sexual orientation. I can’t really tell if it’s a fluke or not. I think she’s been the only girl that I’ve maybe been interested in. I don’t know. For the past few months I’ve been having infrequent wet dreams. All five of them have involved men, and the day after I would always wake up with a vexing sadness, lonliness and apprehension. They felt good, and I can see myself with a man, I just overthink the emotional and cultural baggage associated with it. It feels terrible to be victimized by something you didn’t choose. I know that I shouldn’t really worry about labels and whatnot, but it’s frustrating to be second guessing everything. I can’t even come out to my brothers. I want to, but it fills me with inexplicable dread. I think deep down that I don’t want to be seen as gay. I’ve come out to my parents, but I don’t know why I can’t my siblings. They would accept me. just as warmly as my parents have, but I can’t articulate why. I just don’t want to be judged, and I want to feel normal. I know they wouldn’t care but I can’t shake that anxiety. These emotions feel so familiar, yet so esoteric. I know that one day I’ll do it, but I just don’t know when. I thought I outgrew such a backward notion. I dunno, my emotions to it are so contradictory and complex towards the issue maybe I should seek a therapist.


I have sexual fantasies about almost every woman I meet. ...

Hi Iam 20 years old and i have sexually fantastis about almost everwoman i meet , expect for my family...i came to a new environment and it's difficulty to extinguish who is being friendly and who wants itimacy...is for someone to ask you do in bed if they are not interested in having it with you?



I’m attracted to girls but I don’t know wether I’m ...

I am 16 and I have had mistook "admiration" as "crush" a lot of times when I was small... And now knows that the "boy" crushes(3 to be exact) I had was just mere admiration to be like them....(I want to be more masculine) and I recently realised that I am attracted to girls... and if I were to date someone(or marry someone in the far future) then that 'someone' would be a girl... I don't label myself as lesbian because I am still confused as I have never got a crush and neither do I understand what actually is a crush..(and I truly don't understand the "butterfly in stomach" feeling everyone talks about) and also nowadays I question myself like "what if I am lying to myself about being lesbian" "am I being like this just to be different from others?" and such questions are making me more and more confused. Please help! I can't understand whether I'm lesbian or not!!


Why does my college professor stare at me?

Why does my college professor stare at me? I'm a 22 year old med student and he's my 35 year old anatomy professor. Sometimes he's just sitting at his desk not even talking, while we're doing our work, and whenever I look at him he'll already be looking at me. He even stares at me until I look away. Now, I do find him attractive and I might've stared at him a couple of times because of that, but it was totally unconscious. What does this mean? I don't know if he's flirting with me or if he's just staring at me out of curiosity because he caught me staring at him too. I'm also a very shy girl so it was never my intention to let him know that I'm attracted to him. Now I'm kind of embarrassed.


It’s impossible for me to embrace “gay” as a label ...

Are my feelings normal? What should I do? I don’t know if I can stand these feelings. I’m struggling a lot with my sexual orientation in recent years. Till 2 years ago, I found myself attracted to boys in my class, constantly trying to catch a glimpse of their butts or bulge. I also enjoyed gay porn, and loved looking at pictures of men in underwear. However, over the year, I began to look at straight porn, often in form of animations. My sexual feelings also changes, as I find myself aroused from watching straight porn. In fact, I suddenly find myself less attracted to guys, even though romantically, I still can’t imagine myself with a girl. Swimsuit models often give me semi-erection or outright hard on, while gay porn becomes dissatisfying. Though I usually have gay sexual fantasy, I sometimes imagine being a hot girl having sex with hot guys at school. Nowadays, I develop this deep worry that my gay feeling were fake, and nothing but a phase, which deeply troubles me since I feel so much more comfortable being gay or at least bi. I began to pay attention to how I conduct myself to see if I was “too straight” or “too gay”, trying to match my internal feelings. Contact with guys doesn’t seem to turn me on like it used to, even if I find them attractive. When I’m at my worst, I sometimes focusing excessively on gay guys and gay porn, trying to masturbate to them to confirm my emotions. Yet, I often ended up watching straight porn, and becoming more aroused by them. After each straight masturbation session, I feel bad for enjoying them - a feeling I never had with gay porn. Even when I tried quitting porn for an extensive period (usually a week or more), I find myself in the same situation. At this point, I don’t even know what to do anymore: I tried accepting my feelings, but my hetero side just doesn’t feel right. At the same time, it’s impossible for me to embrace “gay” as a label as this point, seeing that it doesn’t reflect how my attraction is so confusing.