9 November 2008

Should I come out as a bisexual?

There’s something which is bothering me. A lot of mates ask me or talk to me about their boyfriends and girlfriends. Would it be a good choice to tell everyone? I have no problems with who I am but my mother often tells me I do not have to talk about it with a lot of people. I just want to be me, not to lie even if it is to a question of someone I am not close with.
You see, for me bisexuality or homosexuality is not a problem but when I think at the opinions of others about it, I think to myself that maybe I am doing something wrong. It passed quickly but I am still wondering if saying it just to mates that I am bisexual is a good idea? Because you know people can be mean in college so I do not know what to do… I am really tempted not to hide at all but I am not sure what to do.

Lorin Young

Hi Caroline,

Thank you for your question. It is very difficult to discuss who you are when you are not sure that others will accept that person. At the same time, hiding who you really are can be painful. It is also difficult if you have people who are important to you saying that it is better to be quiet about yourself, when you feel ready to share it.

How do you think you will feel five years from now if you keep this a secret? How will you feel if you tell people and they are fine with your sexual preferences? How will you feel if you tell people and they do not accept you because of your sexual preferences? Yes, people can definitely be mean. Unfortunately, I can almost guarantee that someone will say something mean to you at some point in your life regarding your sexual preferences. At the same time, if you feel it is important to “not lie even if it is….someone I am not close with”, then it is vital that you realize how you may feel if you are not open about whom you are. Will you be disappointed in yourself if you keep this a secret? I would suggest that it is much easier to deal with others’ meanness when you are happy and respectful of the choices you have made for yourself.

All this to say, I cannot tell you what to do. You need to decide for yourself what is the best choice. Whatever decision you make, it is important to be ready to accept the potential consequences, positive and negative, that come with that option.

I hope that you will think about the questions posed above and that you can make a choice based on that. Be proud of whom you are and the choices you make. That is one of the best things you can decide to do for yourself.

Good luck. If you have any other questions, please write to us again.


Lorin, for Alterheros