Hi Helen,

First experiences are always a bit nerve-racking– it’s totally normal to feel unsure about how to go about initiating intimacy. I would say that whether it’s her first time or not, it’s always important to establish trust and to take things slowly. She might be hesitant to make a move, but getting involved is always a bit awkward at first… especially for someone who has just come out. I think that communication is a big part of sex, and if you are able to be open about how you are feeling, you’ll find that things will be a lot easier, better and more fun!

I remember my first sexual experience– and though it wasn’t the best sex of my life, I will never forget it. It’s about discovery and freedom, and all of that feels more important than “good sex” at first. Make sure you comfort her, make her feel at ease… and since there is not one set way to have sex, let it unravel naturally. She probably feels a bit intimidated by the fact that you have more experience, and is probably sharing the same worries that you are about how she will measure up. Talk to her. Be open. Take your time.

As for making the first move or not, I’d say pay close attention to her body language and to what she is saying. She might be too shy to make a move, but don’t make a move unless you are 100% certain that she is interested in taking the relationship to that level– that can sometimes mean asking flat out. It’s not a bad idea to let her make the first move– let her go at her own pace. Again, the best advice I can think of is talking openly before and during.

Hope that helps a bit… and best of luck Helen.

Mél