12 December 2007

Is my boyfriend gay ? He has gay friends and prefers anal over vaginal sex !

My boyfriend prefers anal sex over vaginal sex. When we have vaginal intercourse he often needs to touch my anus to maintain his erection. I found porn on his computer and almost all of it involved anal sex between women (none of it was homosexual) and most of it involved BDSM. However, he’s never expressed an interest in that in bed or, for that matter, in anal stimulation for him. He’s very loving and respectful and we have a very trusting, active and uninhibited sex life. Very often, he is the initiator, but he’s keeping the BDSM thing a secret and I’m a little concerned about how much his sexual interests revolve around anal play. I’m wondering if he might be gay. Before our relationship (we’ve been together about a year) he had many beautiful female partners, but says that the sex was flat and unfulfilling. He also has a lot of gay friends and seems to relate to them more than to straight men in that their non-sexual interests are usually more aligned.

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Hi Jennifer,

Thank you for your question. I understand this situation is confusing for you and that you might be afraid to lose your boyfriend, which is very comprehensible.

Sexual desires and preferences are different for each person. Preferring anal sex over vaginal sex isn’t a sign of homosexuality, and the same goes for having many gay friends. I think it would best to initiate a discussion with him and to share your concerns and feelings. Sexual orientation is a very intimate and personal issue and only your boyfriend can answer that question which is most important to you: is he gay or not? Talking things through with him is a good idea because it might help you understand why he relates better to his gay friends as well as learn about whether he is questioning his sexual orientation.

You seem to have a great relationship with your boyfriend and you did not report other important problems between the two of you. It seems therefore plausible that, if you express some of your concerns to him, he would respond in a positive way and possibly answer some of the questions you are pondering.

I hope this has helped you clarify the situation…
If you have any other questions, feel free to contact us again.

Karine, for Alterhéros