19 March 2011

Is it unusual to start being attracted by same-sex in my mid-30s ?

I\’m a 35 year old man who has recently discovered that I\’m bisexual.
Before this, I thought of myself as hetero: totally into women, not into men. However, as I\’m continuing my spiritual and self-discovery journey, I find I am attracted to men, when I never have been before.
Are there other people who have discovered they\’re bisexual in their mid 30\’s? Is this an unusual time to be making this discovery?

Evelyn Kuang

Hi Joe,

Thanks for submitting your question to Alterheros. I am happy for you that you are at the next step of your self-discovery.  You should not feel alone in your discovery, discovering and or re-discovering ones sexuality is a dynamic ongoing process. This is because a person’s sexuality is fluid and subject to change during a lifetime- as is the case with other areas of your life. For example, you may find your current job fulfilling and an enjoyable activity, but you may not feel like that five years later. More generally speaking, what is right for you now, may not be right for you at a later point.

I understand that people may have the preconception that sexuality is determined along with puberty and adolescence, perhaps because of physical changes. Although this may be the case stereotypically, it is by no means the truth in reality. There is nothing wrong with this discovery at your age- there are people who unfortunately, never discover these things about themselves, and bear discontent within themselves for the rest of their life.  The truth of the matter is, there is no “right age” to discover these things- the “right age” is determined by you and only you: when it feels right for you.

Change is hard, people often have difficulty adjusting to change, especially when it is not on their terms or their schedule, or blatantly the result of their individual decision.  The conditions of change can be difficult to cope with, and you may encounter difficulties, and negativity along the way. It is important to have a strong support system  and to take care of yourself during times of change- make sure there are people who wholy support you and to be kind to yourself. In conclusion, acknowledging your feelings is an important step, and taking action toward those changes takes courage. So applaud yourself for taking these steps and having the courage to identify and acknowledge your feelings, you are taking care of yourself and your happiness.

Please feel free to ask us any more questions should you think of any. Take care.

For Alterheros,