30 May 2007

I work with a girl that I like. What should I do?

I work with this girl, whose name I can’t say. Over the couple of months that I have worked with her I have started to develop feelings for her. Sometimes we flirt and play around but I have not told her I like her. I would like to tell her but I just can’t bring myself to actually make the words come out of my mouth and that is not the only problem – she has a boyfriend. Although I know that she knows I like her as more than a friend by the way I treat her and talk to her, I can never say it and find out whether she likes me too. What do I do?

Inge Rollin

Dear Sarah,

I believe that frank words are always the best solution. Believing someone knows you have feelings for her by the way you act around her is not something you can really trust, since you assume something you never actually discussed with her. She might know, but might as well not.

Having a good talk with her is your only real chance to clarify this situation, although I know it is not always simple to take this step. But you will surely get the real answers. You might want to invite her to some calm place you know and feel comfortable to discuss. Being honest, even if it can hurt you, is one of the simplest steps.

If you still don’t feel comfortable enough to talk with your friend, you might also try meeting a social worker who can give you good starting steps and ideas to open up to you friend and discuss with her.

I hope this helps,

Inge Rollin, Sexologist B.A.