8 November 2006

I have so many feelings for a teacher...

I am 20 years old. I go to college 3 days a week where I am taught by my female tutor who is really kind to me. Shes been treating me special ever since she heard about my abusive past and lets me email her whenever I want to. The thing is i really like her, so much it hurts and whenever we meet I always get a hug and a smile which I know is just her caring but its really screwing with my feelings. I dont want to tell her about me but lately ive been withdrawing more from her because of these feelings and even being angry. Im so confused please help me.

sabrina prégent

Hi Louise,

I understand how you can feel in such a situation. It’s frequent that people fall in love with their teacher, doctor, nurse, psychologist, social worker and tutors for different reasons, but mainly because of their caring and their position. It’s normal that you feel confused and angry beacause she cares about you and threats you specially, but in another hand, you know she’ there to help you so that doesn’t mean she loves you. This kind of confusion in addition to repressing your feelings can be very frustrated.

You wrote you don’t want to speak about your feelings to her. This solution could have been a good solution because it would give you the chance to be sure about her feelings. Furthermore, it would make her think about the situation and maybe she would have find some solution to make it easier for you. However, you can ask her to refrain from touching you and giving you hugs because it makes you feel uncomfortable. If it doesn’t work and your feelings become so strong that it harms you, maybe you should think about the possibility to change for another tutor. It’s difficult to forget somebody when you see her/him several times a week.

Sabrina, AlterHeros