14 September 2008

I have a straight friend who is now questioning her attraction to me

I am attracted to females and always have been. I met this girl who is straight and we became friends but she did not know I was attracted to females. We stopped talking for a year because I told her I was attracted to her.
Now a year passed by and she came back telling me she may be attracted to me but doesn’t know. That she wants to see where things may go. Any clue why will a straight person do this? I’m confused!

Rimma Orenman

Dear Julie,

Thank you for your question.

I understand that you may be confused by this person’s seemingly contradictory messages. You may also be questioning her honesty and her intentions. You may still be hurting because of her refusal to talk to you after you declared your feelings to her.

The fact is, people become aware of and/or choose to explore their feelings and attraction towards different genders at different times. People may also not be 100% homosexual or 100% heterosexual. They may feel various amounts of attraction to various genders. Your friend may not have been fully aware of her attraction towards the same gender before or she may not have been ready to face those emotions and the consequences of ‘coming out’. There may also be other explanations.

The best way to explore these is to talk to her about it in a nonjudgemental and nonthreatening manner. It seems like she is reaching out to you after a year of separation and you may have valuable insight to offer her in terms of your own journey, if that is indeed what she is looking for.

Thank you again for your question, and feel free to write back if you have any others.

Rimma, for Alterheros