I am confused with my feeling for a friend
I am a 19 year old Lesbian and my best friend is 22 and I think she’s straight or possibly bi. The problem is that I have never had very close relationships with really anybody-but over the last year we do everything together. I have never felt so close to anybody in my life and I am in love with her. I don’t know what to do because I want to tell her but I am afraid of ruining our friendship. It’s just really hard because I keep hoping that one day she will feel the same way about me. It hurts to be around her and it hurts to be away from her. I hate keeping things bottled up inside but it would kill me if I messed up what I have in her as a friend. Ahhh I am so confused and I don’t know what to do or say.
You are living a difficult situation. She is a real friend for you and you fell in love with her. Sometimes, friendship can be ambiguous when you are very close of someone. She is the first person to be so important for you so it is normal that she is (and will stay) someone special for you.
I know it isn’t easy at all, but it can be beneficial for you to talk to her about your feelings. There is always a risk, of course. However, it’s the only way to really know how she feels. Moreover, it is your best friend; there are chances that she will understand you and accept it.
There are other possibilities, such as only talk to her about her sexual orientation. If you clarify her situation it can help you chose to tell her or not that you love her. As chosing this way, you are more sure to not destroy your friendship with her.
Whatever you do, it should be helpful to have someone you trust to talk about this situation and the emotions that it causes. It is easier when you aren’t alone with your problems.