21 January 2006

I am a girl in love with her best friend, a gay guy

I’m an 18/F. I think I’ve fallen head over heels IN LOVE with my best friend. The only thing is that he is gay. I can’t get over him. A bunch of people close to me, like my mother & my best friend (girl) says he acts more bi than gay. We constantly flirt & laugh together. I’ve never been around someone who completes me so well, friend or other. He stays over and spends the night and it takes all my will power to not make a move on him in bed. Since I’m single, I usually take him to dances. Being so close to him…It just kills me that I can’t have him. He’s had 2 boyfriends and slept with one of them; neither was a love connection. We’re gonna be going to college together & living together; we don’t want to live alone. But the fact is if he brings a guy home, I’m gonna feel jealous. Should I tell him how I feel & see if he MIGHT feel the same? I keep chickening out. We’ve always been truthful with each other. Is this any different? Should I keep this quiet? It’s making me crazy !

sabrina prégent

Hi Chantel,

Love and friendship is two feelings that sometimes resemble to each other. A friend can be so friendly, honest and affectionate with you that it becomes difficult to know exactly how he/she feels about you. Even if your family or friends think your friend acts more like a bisexual than a homosexual, it is change nothing about what he feels. He is the one who knows the truth about his own sexual orientation.

However, altough he may be exclusively homosexual, your friend may develop a real passion for a girl, but without the sexual component. But, this a just a possibility, and I think it is better for you to talk about your feelings and your toughts with him because you will live with him . It will becomes more difficult and complex than it is now for you. Like you wrote, you feel jealous that he may bring guys at home. Your friend will not understand your attitude if he thinks you are just friends. At this point, your friendship can be spoiled by all these feelings and misunderstanding. On the other hand, if you talk with him about what you feel before living with him, he will probably have a better reaction than you can think because you will tell him the truth at the right moment. After, you two will be able to take the good decision for your friendship and interest. Moreover, you will be able to clarify his sexual orientation with him if you want it. Talking to him about what make you confuse about his feelings for you can be a good idea too because it can makes him realize that his attitude helps your confusion to grow.

Finally, it is your decision to tell him or not. Maybe you will chose to stop this relationship, too. Whatever your choice, you must do it for your wellbeing.