How can I know my orientation for sure?


Hi, I’m in my twenties and I am not sure about my sexual orientation. I am physically and emotionally attracted to women but not sexually. I’d like to confirm my orientation, but how can I know for sure? Maybe meeting other people like me would help me, but I don’t know where to go. Can you help me?

Sexual orientation can be complex to sort through. Many people struggle with questions before they find the orientation that feels right and works for them. Remember, your seual orientation is a part of you, and you’re worth the effort it takes to figure this out.

It sounds like you’re already breaking down the ways you can be attracted. It’s good to feel close to a wide variety of people, including family and friends of all genders. You can share support, good times, physical contact, and these people are very important in your life, but you generally don’t think about them in “that way.” Your sexual orientation kicks in when we start talking about things like romance and sex. You said you’re not sexually attracted to women, but do you feel this way about men? Who do you fantasize about? Who makes you feel more intensely than you thought possible?

You’re right; meeting other people who are dealing with similar issues may well help you sort this out and, at the very least, they’ll likely understand what you’re going through. Interligne’s volunteers are always happy to talk, and they have lists of resources (1-888-505-1010). If you live in Montreal, you’ve got many resources to choose from. Queer McGill’s discussion groups are open to anyone, and one of them is specifically about coming out and questioning your sexual orientation. If you’re between 14 and 25, Project 10 is a fantastic resource for gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and questioning youth. They’ve got a drop in, discussion groups, one-on-one counselling, and other services.

Team AlterHéros

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