Dear Erik,

The way you talk, the way you walk or act has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. There are heterosexual men that acts the way you do it. There are two things I would like to discuss with you. First, does it really exist feminine and masculine way to do something? Secondly, I think it’s really important to learn to accept ourselves as we are. It’s important to accept our sexual orientation but it’s as important to accept our way to act, our successes, our abilities, our weaknesses, our physical particularities.. Why does it bother you that much to act like you do? What is disgusting? Is it the stereotypes associated with homosexuality that bother or/and disgust you?

I understand that you are concerned with the way you are perceived by others. You describe yourself as having feminine characteristics and believe that the way you carry yourself is indicative of how women are expected to carry themselves. You are frustrated that you exhibit these characteristics and that others perceive you as feminine because of it. This is a major source of stress for you and has impacted your perception of yourself as a man. You would like to change your behaviour so it is consistent with what is expected of men.

Regardless of how others perceive you, it is most important to love and except yourself completely.

Remember that there is no list of behaviours, actions or thought that are clearly feminine or masculine. The definition of what it means to be masculine or feminine changes with time, geography and through cultures. Masculine and feminine are objective terms that do not define, label or catagorize you. Each individual defines masculine and feminine for themselves and these definitions are fluid and constantly changing.

Be patient with yourself, who you are and how you express yourself. Know that you are constantly evolving and with it so are your perceptions of what it means to be masculine and feminine.

Love yourself and do not judge the degree you fit into what it means to be masculine or feminine. Do not pressure yourself to fit into boxes that are not there.

How others perceive you depends greatly on that individual and no two people will perceive you the same way. Love who you are and you will be perceived in the best light.

Sabrina and Sara, for AlterHeros.